So this is a vent about the limitations I face in the English department, particularly being a Feminist of Color aka Feminist Puerto Rican. All of my posts address these topics, although not in a necessarily direct manner. Since the English department is full of mostly white graduate students, I’ve noticed whenever I bring up any conversation on race in English theory class, it is mostly, if not always, met with silence. It really bothers me, specifically because it shows the dismissal and/or avoidance of discomfort. Coming from the WGSS department, and being in classes where discomfort is faced rather than avoided, this is really really strange to me. Not only is this strange, it makes me feel like this marginal voice that no one even wants to try to understand. However, the purpose of sharing my thoughts, that are always related to class articles and topics, are to bring awareness and discomfort; because truth is discomfort. Truth is most of the time, is not a positive experience, especially if it brings true change.
I think about how I am probably one of the very few *Feminist of Color* Writing teachers that talks about racism and homophobia. I tie these thoughts and ideas and true experiences, into class readings, responses, free writes, etc. I think how the students in my classes, especially those of Color, will not have anything like this experience in their other English classes. And it really makes me sad. It makes me sad that their personal forms of expressions relating to gender, race, or sexuality may be silenced. Why is this not more important in these writing classes?
Most, if not all of my students, wrote in their midterm reflections how they really enjoy their freedom of expression in the class, as well as the inclusion of uncomfortable topics. Why else are we in the academy if we cannot face the challenge of discomfort? Complacency and comfort is not enough. Sometimes I feel this boiling point being reached when grad students (or anyone) say these racist comments/thoughts, and then, the conversation moves on very quickly. Too quickly. When I hear a grad student mocking a southern African American’s dialect, it reeeallllly peeves me. Its like this itch that I want to scratch, but I can only scratch it for a little bit, and accept the lingering itch. There would have to be multiple classes that focus on implicit racism embedded in language and consciousness, that obviously is not going to happen, unless anyone ventures over to the WGSS department. The good thing is, whenever a student says something prejudice in their writing or in class, I can immediately point it out because I am “the teacher.” I think it is a great that I am in a position where I can bring such awareness to fellow students.
What is helping me for now, is speaking my thoughts despite those who want to silence them. I guess you can say I have a wild tongue.
I will now engage with less anxiety. It must be done.