MORE Reader-Centered Writing

You Attitude: Emphasize the Reader’s Point of View

Your reader is more interested in herself than in your business or organization. Your reader is interested in how you might provide some benefit to them. In general, your reader is not interested in how they can help you.

Consider this: When you shop around for a new phone, you’re interested in the phone and what it can do for you (it’s functionality, data plan, price, etc.). You are not interested in how your payment will help the company make a profit.

Instead of:	Revise to:
To ensure you continue to receive services that meet your needs, please fill out and return this customer information card.	To ensure you continue to receive services that meet your needs, please fill out and return this customer information card.
The first sentence focuses on what the writer needs (more up-to-date records). The second sentence focuses on the reader and what she will get out of responding. The second sentence is not only more reader-centered, but because it includes a reader benefit, it may motivate the reader to action (which is the writer’s goal).

One way to emphasize the reader’s point of view is to shift your point of view in your writing. Instead of starting sentences with “I” or “we,” shift your pronouns to “you.”

This doesn’t mean you have to eliminate all first-person pronouns in your writing—it means you should deemphasize them, and instead, see if you can emphasize second person pronouns in order to make your writing more reader-centered.

Instead of:	Revise to:
We shipped your order today.	You will receive your order on Wednesday.
The first sentences emphasizes what the writer did (we shipped). the better version emphasizes what the reader will receive (your order), and also, includes information the reader probably wants to know (when her order will arrive; Wednesday).

Another way to emphasis and respect the reader’s point of view is by using caution with feelings. In most common business correspondence, you should avoid writing about your feelings and avoid assuming your reader’s feelings.

Consider this: Imagine you are writing to customers about a new credit card offer. Are you really happy to tell them about all the details? It seems disingenuous, and even if it’s true, the customer probably doesn’t care that you’re happy about it. Including emotions may feel as if we’re being polite and courteous, but we’re still focusing on us and our feelings instead of the reader.

Consider this: Same situation—imagine you’re writing ot customers about a new credit card offer. Do you really think they’ll be happy to read about the details? Even in positive situations, most people aren’t happy to read list of details and accompanying fine print. don’t tell your readers what they feel (or what they should feel).

Instead of:	Revise to:
I am happy to inform you that we’ve approved your credit application!	Your credit application is approved.
You will be happy to learn that we’ve approved your credit application!
The first “red” sentence seems disingenuous AND focuses on the writer. The second red sentence assumes what the reader is feeling and still focuses on the writer (what “we’ve” done). The green sentence simply conveys the information without feelings AND puts the focus on the reader (“your… application”).

Positive Emphasis

In part, employing positive emphasis means focusing on what can be done (instead of what can’t be done) and eliminating negative words and language (when possible).

Instead of Features:	Revise to Reader Benefits:
It will be impossible to open an account for you until you send us your signature card.	Your account will be open as soon as you send us your signature card.
Employees should not use the administrative and customer parking lot.	A special parking lot for employees is provided at the east wing of the administrative building.
To avoid the loss of your good credit…	To maintain your good credit rating …
Thank you for your trouble.	Thank you for your help.
You won’t be sorry you did this.	You will be glad you did this.
Never fail to back up your computer.	Always back up your computer.

Phrase Reader Benefits in the Reader’s Language

Reader benefits are what the reader will get out of the situation. Emphasizing reader benefits can help convince our readers to do whatever it is we’re asking them to do because they tell our readers how they will be positively affected by doing business with us (or whatever the situation may be).

Not only should we emphasize the benefits to our readers, but also, we should ensure we write in language that means something to them — in language that is useful and language that speaks to their values.

Keep in mind, there’s a difference between features and benefits. Features are writer-centered (or product/service-centered). Benefits are reader-centered.

Instead of:	Revise to Reader Benefits (and Reader’s Language):
No money down, no interest payments for 24 months	You can get what you want right now at no cost to you… [additional details to explain and maintain good ethics]
This printer prints 17 pages per minute.	This printer can turn out a 100 page, full color proposal in just six minutes.
Our tablet boasts an impressive 32 gb of space and file transfer speeds of 100 Mbps.	You have room for six full-length HD films and can download a whole movie in under seven minutes.
Our shelter provides 100 adult beds and 50 children’s beds for the needy.	Your donation will help provide temporary housing to women and children, keeping them off the streets and out of abusive living situations.
We want all newly hired employees to use our carpooling program for at least three months.	As a new employee, you won’t have to drive to work in rush hour traffic for the first three months with our carpooling program.
We have invested a lot of money to build the biggest grocery store in town.	You can choose from the largest selection fresh fruits and vegetables, shelf staples, and specialty gourmet items thanks to Publix large inventory.